Edmond, Why

After a long hiatus, here is a blog post.

We had our first fit test of the 2017-2018 season a couple Thursdays ago at A4A. It was really more of a baseline test, as none of our subsequent tests will resemble it in any way. The point was to give our recruits (and vets) a general idea of where they stand compared to everybody else and to see what they might need to work or focus on.

The entirety of the test lasted only 4 minutes and 40 seconds for each person. It started out with a bench test of either 100 lb for women or 200 lb for men (70 lb for women and 160 lb for men as an alternate weight if the individual couldn’t lift the standard weight) for max reps within a 40 s time limit. There would then be a 1:20 period of rest before proceeding to the next test, max pullups within a 40 s time limit. Finally, another 1:20 period of rest before the third and last test, a 20 m shuttle run within a 40 s time limit. A minute and 20 seconds doesn’t seem like a very long time but the original proposed rest period was 20 seconds, which makes the extra minute seem pretty good, huh?

The test went quite quickly and with a few individuals helping out to test, the process was very streamlined and efficient. There were a select number of individuals that were rather confused and either didn’t read the instructions beforehand or didn’t understand them, but it was overall simple enough.

The test was not without several mishaps, however. André and Rachel both rolled their ankles during the shuttle run (running is a dangerous sport, as we all know). Not only did it affect their run score, it also took away their ability to participate in this Sunday’s hill runs. Fortunately, they still have the option of doing a circuit on the new playground area (which I did a few weeks ago). It kind of feels a bit stupid to do the circuit by yourself so, really, it’s almost better that both of them rolled their ankles instead of just one so they can keep each other company.

Other mishaps include a few bench injuries; Amar almost died, but Gordon saved him. Ben hurt his shoulder while warming up, but Gordon did not save him. No injuries occurred during pull-ups, but that station was fraught with tension and controversy. I was grateful that Ben assigned me to test the women, because women tend to be good with their pullups. They generally aim first and foremost to get their chin over the bar and full extension isn’t typically an issue for them. The worst that can happen might be that I can’t count a rep because they didn’t go high enough. Men, on the other hand, are all sorts of difficult. Straight arms, chin over, kip, all sorts of things can go wrong. Ben fairly fought with a few people, particularly Ted and Danny.

The most mishaps by a single individual had to be attributed to Edmond. This guy, man. He tested my bench and I asked him to spot me, whereupon he instead betrayed me and got Terence to do it instead. Strike one. Secondly, I asked him what Jess got, since I figured our benches were similar and I wanted to have a number to aim for. He answered 21, though I later found out she had in fact gotten 22, so he lied to me. Strike two. When he recorded my bench test result, he spelled my name wrong. Are we not friends?! Strike three! Along the lines of recording results, he also accidentally wrote 21 instead of 25 for me. Smh, Edmond, I can’t even. My theory is that since he’s dating Jess, he took off 4 reps from me so I would be one below her (not actually). Unrelated to me, Edmond was the spotter for other girls’ bench tests, and did not save Linda when she tested, allowing the bar to fall on her glasses (they did not break). She was okay, fortunately, but it could have been worse. Edmond argues that he reacted as best he could and didn’t let the bar hit her chest, so this mishap is a debatable one.

One other notable outcome of this fit test is that Adrian did not, in fact, get first in every test. Derrick beat him in two out of three tests (go Derrick! Not that I have anything against Adrian, of course). The theory is that Adrian has been playing with Marcella’s cat, Baymax, instead of going to the gym. My theory is that Steph has been doing the same thing. Marcella, on the other hand, has been great and still pwned every test for the girls. Hopefully the cat owners get over the novelty of their cats soon or start bringing their cats to the gym.

A final important note is that in the fitness test results that Ben sent out to the team, he included a sixth row for the girls’ run (Steph). Now I am all for giving credit where it is due, but I would like to point out that he did not offer me this same courtesy last year for the final fit test, where I tied Steph for 5th place out of the girls for pullups and he cut me out of the top 5 rankings because, alphabetically, Steph’s name comes first and his spreadsheet skills couldn’t handle 6 rows. I am still very bitter about this fact.

Disclaimer: I wrote this post 2 weeks ago, the day after the fit test, got bored with it, and didn’t come back to it until today and by now I’ve forgotten everything, so there might have been more things, but I don’t remember them, so I’m just posting this as it is now.

P.S. Edmond is worried that everybody will think he’s a terrible person and unfriend him after reading this post so I’d like to mention that he’s actually a very nice person and is usually pretty good but can sometimes be a bit derpy and this event was just not his best.

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