The Starbucks Quest

I somehow managed to get a Starbucks rewards card promotion, which came with a free drink, and thus my quest for the perfect (free) Starbucks drink began.

You have to understand that this quest is no ordinary task. It isn’t easy to find the perfect Starbucks drink.

The biggest problem: I don’t like coffee.

I’ve tried liking coffee. I’ve sampled many kinds and have also tried adding in lots of sugar. I feel like my life would be more enjoyable if I liked coffee, because there are so many different kinds of fancy drinks available that I would normally otherwise be interested in trying. Unfortunately, I still just don’t like it. I don’t even like it when it’s free, and that’s saying something.

So what to get? Can’t waste a free drink. I don’t want to get hot chocolate, because I can make a good cup of hot chocolate myself. I also don’t want tea because I’m not a huge fan of non-Asian tea.  I don’t want a fruit-based drink like cider either, because I have a cider mix at home that I’m planning to make tonight.

What do I want? It’s winter, so I want a hot drink, something to warm me up from the inside as I’m walking to school in the morning. I want something creamy and rich and sweet. I want something chocolate because I’m in the mood for chocolate right now. Oh, the dilemma.

To make the task harder, there are approximately a billion different types of coffee: Espresso, latte, mocha, macchiato, caffè, cappuccino, Frappuccino. What am I supposed to do with this? What are the differences? Which one am I supposed to get?

My understanding of a Frappuccino is that it’s a sweet, creamy, cold drink, similar to a creamier iced cappuccino, which itself is a sweet, creamy, cold drink. Hanged if I know the difference between them.  I could very well be wrong and these two drinks could be nothing like what I described. If I’m right, however, then what I’d like is something similar to a hot coffee-less Frappuccino with chocolate flavouring. With lots of cream. And chocolate syrup and/or chips. Is this a thing?

Lily suggested a flat white, which still has a hint of coffee, so I don’t really want it. Alexandra suggested a macchiato without espresso, but wasn’t sure if that was even a thing. Julian suggested getting a latte with cream instead of coffee, which is apparently a thing, and called a “crème.”


And here we get to the difficulty of ordering. How do you pronounce “crème”? Does one say it the French way, or as in “cream”? Am I supposed to say “can I have a crème?” I feel like that would sound a little dumb. Are there chocolate crèmes? Am I supposed to ask for a syrup? Do they cost extra? What’s the difference between a macchiato and a latte? Oh, the questions. I feel like there needs to be some sort of instruction page on the Starbucks website called “Starbucks Ordering 101,” because I swear I have never seen anything so complicated.

I think I may try asking the barista for a hot equivalent of a double chocolate chip crème Frappuccino blended beverage with cream instead of espresso, if that’s allowed. Hopefully that will be what I want. And if not, I will be sad.

If you have suggestions for a drink you think I’d like, please comment! I get a free drink on my birthday apparently, so I have another opportunity to try a new drink.


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